Well, it is 3:30 am the morning my DS takes his ACT exam, and here I sit, with an upset stomach, unable to sleep as if I am the one taking the test. I've always had test anxiety. ALWAYS but this having it for other people is for the birds! LOL
I'm not really worried about how he will do. I know he is going to do fine but I hate that he is nervous. To him (and honestly to me too) it seems as if EVERYTHING rides on this stupid test!
I hate that tests so important to college admission and scholarships. It has put so much pressure on DS. I'm afraid that we may have too although we didn't intend to do. DS needs scholarships to help pay for his college and so we encouraged him to STUDY hard so that he could qualify for them. His nervousness just makes me ill. I want to take all of it away from him and tell him that it doesn't matter what this test says. He's smart and talented and that's all that matters!
I know without a doubt that he will do fine. He's a really smart kid and extremely talented as well. I know that he knows what he needs to know. I have people who work with him in church and the theater tell me all the time how smart he is.
I think my not being able to sleep is the whole homeschool thing. You know, the worries about having ruined my kids or ruined their future or chances at the future they want and so on and so on. It's crazy really. The doubts we have about ourselves, about the choices we make and so on. Have I ever told how we came about homeschooling?
I think I talked about it some on my other blog, Musings By Mommy but I'm not sure I've ever told it here.
Well, I've always wanted to but people always talked me out of it but I prayed about it off and on for years. Finally, when DS was in the 5th grade, DH thought maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. So we spent the summer after thinking about it and researching it some more and praying more. The fact that DH finally was on board should have been enough to let me know it was the right thing for us but I was scared and unsure so I just kept praying about it.
Then one day a friend, just out of the blue, called me and said, "This is weird but I just felt like I really needed to call you and tell you that you should homeschool your kids." WEIRD!! That should have been a huge sign, but I'm evidently slow and scared and so... we kept thinking on it. All summer we thought on it. One minute we were ready and the next not. Finally we left it up to DS and he wanted to try middle school so we let him.
He loved it! I still felt unsure about it all and still felt pulled to homeschool but... He was loving it and DH was getting ready to deploy so I figure I didn't need the added stress. But it kept coming up in my prayers. Then one day when I was taking DS to school he got VERY upset and begged me not take him back "to that place". "Please don't make me stay here." "Please homeschool me". It was just heartbreaking. I called DH and we had to take him that day but DH went to the school district office and asked what we needed to do to homeschool. I hate it took us so long to hear what God was telling us to do. I had sign after sign but let my fears and doubt get in the way. DS's last day of school was a Wednesday, DH deployed the next day and we started homeschooling on that Friday.
It's been a bumpy ride but I don't think I'd trade it for the world and yet here I sit worrying that I may have ruined my kids! WHAT? How could that ever be when it is so obvious that God sent us here? Am I doubting God? WHAT? Never! So, I guess I have my answer right there. My kids are not ruined. Their strong suit may not be tests and I may have to take them to the colleges of their choice for a more personal contact when they apply so that the schools can really see who my kids are. God trusted us to do this so I guess I should trust that He helped us do it well. I know that DS will do awesome on his ACT and if not I know that we will do awesome things for his college applications so they can see how truly awesome he is. We can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us... Maybe I'll remind DS of that this morning as he heads out the door. Maybe I'll tape it my forehead!
I hate that tests so important to college admission and scholarships. It has put so much pressure on DS. I'm afraid that we may have too although we didn't intend to do. DS needs scholarships to help pay for his college and so we encouraged him to STUDY hard so that he could qualify for them. His nervousness just makes me ill. I want to take all of it away from him and tell him that it doesn't matter what this test says. He's smart and talented and that's all that matters!
I know without a doubt that he will do fine. He's a really smart kid and extremely talented as well. I know that he knows what he needs to know. I have people who work with him in church and the theater tell me all the time how smart he is.
I think my not being able to sleep is the whole homeschool thing. You know, the worries about having ruined my kids or ruined their future or chances at the future they want and so on and so on. It's crazy really. The doubts we have about ourselves, about the choices we make and so on. Have I ever told how we came about homeschooling?
I think I talked about it some on my other blog, Musings By Mommy but I'm not sure I've ever told it here.
Well, I've always wanted to but people always talked me out of it but I prayed about it off and on for years. Finally, when DS was in the 5th grade, DH thought maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. So we spent the summer after thinking about it and researching it some more and praying more. The fact that DH finally was on board should have been enough to let me know it was the right thing for us but I was scared and unsure so I just kept praying about it.
Then one day a friend, just out of the blue, called me and said, "This is weird but I just felt like I really needed to call you and tell you that you should homeschool your kids." WEIRD!! That should have been a huge sign, but I'm evidently slow and scared and so... we kept thinking on it. All summer we thought on it. One minute we were ready and the next not. Finally we left it up to DS and he wanted to try middle school so we let him.
He loved it! I still felt unsure about it all and still felt pulled to homeschool but... He was loving it and DH was getting ready to deploy so I figure I didn't need the added stress. But it kept coming up in my prayers. Then one day when I was taking DS to school he got VERY upset and begged me not take him back "to that place". "Please don't make me stay here." "Please homeschool me". It was just heartbreaking. I called DH and we had to take him that day but DH went to the school district office and asked what we needed to do to homeschool. I hate it took us so long to hear what God was telling us to do. I had sign after sign but let my fears and doubt get in the way. DS's last day of school was a Wednesday, DH deployed the next day and we started homeschooling on that Friday.
It's been a bumpy ride but I don't think I'd trade it for the world and yet here I sit worrying that I may have ruined my kids! WHAT? How could that ever be when it is so obvious that God sent us here? Am I doubting God? WHAT? Never! So, I guess I have my answer right there. My kids are not ruined. Their strong suit may not be tests and I may have to take them to the colleges of their choice for a more personal contact when they apply so that the schools can really see who my kids are. God trusted us to do this so I guess I should trust that He helped us do it well. I know that DS will do awesome on his ACT and if not I know that we will do awesome things for his college applications so they can see how truly awesome he is. We can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us... Maybe I'll remind DS of that this morning as he heads out the door. Maybe I'll tape it my forehead!
